Tag: Dissociative Identity Disorder

Love Is My Religion (and music too!)

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There is one thing that I do know for sure, and that is that the power of love exists. Maybe we didn’t experience it from the people who were supposed to give it to us as a child. And maybe it feels like we’ve never really had it where it came from any outside person that is.

But I have witnessed it within our system. The love that we share with one another that is inside of us. We are the family we never had. We are the miracle. I can feel all those little ones inside that I hold so dear to my heart. They are my children, and I will always do my very best to protect them with my love.

Even in those moments when it all feels lost, I find myself again through love, not who I was told to be or feared into being, or that which was created merely for just survival. But the love that helps me create and helps me to thrive and be the person I am underneath all of that. Just when I think I cannot go on any longer, it reminds me of the connectedness of everything. And that I’m not merely just a speck of dust, but an important part of all that is.

My mission is to recognize the true beauty and magic within, and to share that unconditionally and effortlessly.  Love is not supposed to be an uphill battle. It’s supposed to flow. It’s supposed to rise above all challenges with ease, because it holds so much strength in vulnerability. They think that love is weakness, but fear is, and fear will not take me prisoner any longer, at least it won’t keep me there. I will always connect back to love, and my system. We are love! We are strength! And we will overcome!

Inspiration taken from My Religion by Krystal

(this song is on an album that we had in our CD collection growing up, you can’t even find it on Spotify, so I feel so blessed to have found it on YouTube! 😀 )

Also, religion was something that was used to abuse us, so taking something that was used in that way, and finding a way to use it for healing has been so very empowering!

 

Music & Living With A Dissociative Identity

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This isn’t just a music blog. This is a collective music blog consisting of some of the brightest shining souls who apart of a system and share one singular body.

The inner-world is where most of us like to gather. We all have a voice even if we only really use it through whoever just happens to be fronting at the time. Usually that is me (the host) who experiences the influence of these many others.

To say the least this can make life rather confusing especially when it comes to my own identity, but I wouldn’t change it for the world. I get to experience life in a way that most people never will. Unfortunately this meant we had to go through immense trauma in order for this to happen, but sometimes there is good that can come out of the worst things that occur in one’s life.

Music has always been a sanctuary for many of us. It has been a light where there only seemed to be darkness. It gave us something to live for when all we wanted was to leave this plane of existence. It is what keeps us holding on, and moving forward. It gives us hope.

Now I do not speak for all of us. This is just talking very vaguely about our system. We have one of us in our collective who actually hates music because of the trauma surrounding it. You could say they don’t come out much because of this.

Many of us have never even experienced music really at all or as thoroughly as some of us who are the main fronters that have had the opportunity to truly immerse ourselves in it. Some of us are just starting to define our own musical tastes and identity. This is a process that I know helps a lot of the system get closer to figuring out their origins and gives them a taste of who they really are as a separate entity from the rest of us.

Today one of the most incredible things happened. It has happened before, just not with music, at least as far as I can recall because my memory is rather fuzzy to say the least. I shared this experience with one of our main fronters in our system who has gone through a lot of sexual trauma, and had some pretty gruesome nightmares last night. Of course she woke up not feeling so great, so we both listened to some songs together by Grace Carter which really helped her process some of her trauma.

This artist is one that I already had fallen in love with recently myself, but she never listened to any of the songs before today. It took on a whole new meaning for her, and I was able to be an empathetic witness. Through the process of co-fronting which basically just means we both had control over the body at the same time, her on one side, and myself on the other, I was able to comfort her and really felt a connection using these beautiful, emotional, and powerful songs, seeing them from multiple different perspectives.

 

 

That is part of the magic of living with a dissociative identity that most people might not realize. You get to see the world in more than one way, and it has been quite the eye-opening experience since we became aware of ourselves. We used to just think we were one identity full of many contradictions and just didn’t really having a solid sense of self. Little did we know there was more than meets the eye. 

So much more is to come where this blog is concerned and I feel honored to share this musical dissociative journey with you. I hope you will join us as we share the miracle of dissociation which saved our lives on countless occassions through our creativity, and the music that has helped us get through it all.

With so much love,

The Shine Your Light Collective

Artwork Credit : @lia4u Instagram; Daehyun Kim